We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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