he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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