I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yo dont text me then not text me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
