Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
