we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
