we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
