Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
