I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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