So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
