So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
