The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
