If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
