after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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