im six kinds of drunk right now
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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