I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
