i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
