Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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