And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
