So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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