I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
my poor anus
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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