it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
