You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
