Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
