so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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