I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to calm my uterus...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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