Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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