STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
