Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
