Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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