I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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