I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
