We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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