there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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