So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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