Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
