i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
