her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Panties = found
Randomize
