Dual....:-)
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
