Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
