arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
