I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I would ride that face into the sunset
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
