What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
