tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
