try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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