DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
