And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You were trust falling into bushes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
