he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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