Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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