Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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