apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
