i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Mom said you looked used
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
